A. Understanding
B. Coming on the Inside
C. MutualSubmission
D. Dying to Self


• sense of entitlement 
• contemptuous spirit 
• animism
• unjust systems
• hierarchal thinking
• letter of the law without the spirit of the law 
• focus on revenge

When we first come to God we understand and see Him through our own lenses, our experiences, the culture in which we have been raised, and our biases and judgments. For instance, it may be convenient to believe that God is hateful and full of revenge, for is this not what we ourselves are so easily like? ‘How great that God supports our hatreds’, we might assume. But of course, God is not hateful or full of revenge — it takes some time for our own hearts and minds to come to this understanding.

Taking on God’s World-View goes beyond mental assent to theology and perspectives Romans 1:21, and it goes to the depth of our hearts and how we live in relationship with others, Jeremiah17:10. At the core of God is relationship. It is why God begins His story by establishing the relationship of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. God is for communion and fellowship and we are made for the same.

Without a true understanding of this manner of our Lord we can know the letter of the law, we can be well-versed in theology, but we may not ever know His love, forgiveness or grace that transforms us. Without these things our theology can become a battering ram that merely destroys others. This, of course, has never been God’s intention.

Discipleship, growing in the Lord, is never just to be knowledge and information, it is to be a dynamic growth process whereby we die to ourselves (putting our paradigms at the cross), where we take on the manner of our Lord (we learn to become agents of grace for people), and by this process we are transformed, Psalm 51:17. Simply put, holiness is increased as grace is realized.

A major part of understanding things from God’s worldview is to clearly realize how much God has covered over our offensives and takes care of these things on our behalf. This, if nothing else, transforms the way we are in the world and with others.

It is the process described in 2 Peter 1:4-8 NLT

“And because of his glory and excellence, he has given us great and precious promises. These are the promises that enable you to share his divine nature and escape the world’s corruption caused by human desires. In view of all this, make every effort to respond to God’s promises. Supplement your faith with a generous provision of moral excellence, and moral excellence with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with patient endurance, and patent endurance with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affections with love for everyone. The more you grow like this, the more productive and useful you will be in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.” 2 Peter 1:4-8 NLT



“Come now, let us settle the matter,” says the Lord. “Though your sins are like scarlet,
they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson,
they shall be like wool.” Isaiah 1:18 NLT

Living in understanding, we love patience and wisdom and we have patience for the process of becoming like Christ for both ourselves and others. We do not need to jump at others for their mistakes. We know on a deep level that God is big enough for our sin, our failure, and the sin and failure of others. Everything must be worked through of course, but not in a shocked, reactionary kind of way. Rather, we remain with understanding that continues to walk with people, to be in relationship with them even when dealing with serious sin. We keep relationship top priority even as we mentor them back toward wholeness.

In understanding we are convinced of the power of redemptive journeys and we are willing to enter into the mess of imperfect lives. We understand that perfection is not the goal but that journeying, learning to turn to Christ in all things, this is the call of the gospel and this we can journey with others.

Isaiah 1:18 “Come now, let us reason together … 

John 3:16-17 “For God so loved the world … 

Isaiah 1:18 “Come now, let us reason together … 

John 5:21-22 “The Father judges no one … 

Exodus 34:6 “Abounding in steadfast love …

NOTE: Take the time to look up these verses.


• all sin must be fixed today
• destination and perfection is the goal – rather than the daily journey 
• condemning critical spirit
• cannot see bigger perspective or discern God’s heart above all
• focussed on sin and purity
• idolatry of law and of good
• we make perfection the goal
• when we sin we turn away from God
• we fear the process of becoming holy
• we reject sinners
• another’s sin threatens our understanding of God

The biggest marker of one without God’s understanding is a preoccupation with the letter of the law, while the spirit of the law is completely missed. It is believed that verbal attack and bringing people down will bring them to Christ.

How we get from one to the other:


Best Efforts Come to NothingStop Trying so HardRests in God
–  broken under the weight of law
–  relationships lost due to law
–  little fruit
–  we realize bitterness is deep inside us
–  finding God’s love even in the failure
–  accepts forgiveness
–  receives grace
–  we put down self-effortand take on more of Jesus
–  understanding that God took care of sin
–  joy becomes spontaneous
–  able to be alongsideothers in their sin &holiness journey
–  we are not shocked by sin
–  we live redemption


• we enter into and receive God’s compassion 
• we surrender our sins to his care
• we trust God for the sins of others
• we come to Him even when we sin
• we are not afraid of darkness for God covers us
• we live authentically and transparently
• all of life becomes okay because the Lord is amongst us

STORY: During my own inner healing years the Holy Spirit showed me a darkness of my heart that I had not seen before that time. As I became aware of this dark part of my being I wanted it gone immediately. Immediately I wanted healing and freeing.

And so, with the spiritual authority that I knew of and with declarations of prayer in the name of Jesus I prayed healing for myself. The darkness seemed to be gone. But then, no, it was still there.

I repeated my declarations in prayer and in the name of Jesus a couple of times for a month and each time the darkness would seem to be gone but then, no, it was still there.

I came to understand that God had known this dark part of my heart for many, many years and he still wanted to walk with me, talk with me, and do life with me. I realized that I was in a bigger hurry to be healed than God. He was not so concerned with my healing as much as he wanted to just do life with me.

I learned that God does not need us to be healed or perfect or cleansed in order to be alongside us. There is nothing wrong or shameful about being wounded and about having darkness within us — he is on track to bring us healing, in his time.

It was about six months later that I was freed of that particular dark part of my heart. But what I learned about God, that he does not rush to fix us, has been a crucial understanding for me. God is profoundly understanding of our struggles, our lives, our inner wounds and he loves to be in our lives regardless.

“The hardness of God is kinder than the softness of men and his compulsion is our liberation.” C.S.Lewis 

(source: https://twitter.com/cslewisdaily/status/471178126425219072)


“Even though I am a free man with no master, I have become a slave to all people to bring many to Christ. When I was with the Jews, I lived like a Jew to bring the Jews to Christ. When I was with those who follow the Jewish law, I too lived under that law. Even though I am not subject to the law, I did this so I could bring to Christ those who are under the law. When I am with the Gentiles who do not follow the Jewish law, I too live apart from that law so I can bring them to Christ. But I do not ignore the law of God; I obey the law of Christ. When I am with those who are weak, I share their weakness, for I want to bring the weak to Christ. Yes, I try to find common ground with everyone, doing everything I can to save some. I do everything to spread the Good News and share in its blessings.” 1 Corinthians 9:19-23 NLT

Galatians 4:4-5 “God sent forth his son …

Matthew 28:19-20 “Therefore, go and make disciples …

1 Corinthians 3:16-17 “All of you together are the temple of God …

Luke 10:1-9 “Carry no moneybag, no knapsack, no sandals, and greet no one on the road …

NOTE: Take the time to look up these verses.


  • demanding
  • strained relationships
  • we insult others by having the ‘best’ solution
  • unable to recognize the skill set of others
  • without the necessary permission to work/speak inothers lives
  • little real influence
  • speaking at people (not with them)
  • unable to receive from others
  • we walk in pride
  • we create division in the body of Christ (in the spiritrealm)
  • we are not in the marketplace and missing manyopportunities
  • we reject those who do not yet know Christ

The biggest marker of a person who is not on the inside is the refusal and inability to receive from others. They seem unwilling to be vulnerable and to accept prayers or anointing forthemselves, rather they must stay in control and in a position of (what appears to be) power. There are clear attitudes of ‘them’ and ‘us’.

Consider this: “Without the mutuality of giving and receiving, mission and ministry easily become manipulative or violent. When only one gives and the other receives, the giver will soon become an oppressor and the receivers, victims. But when the giver receives and the receiver gives, the circle of love, begun in the community of the disciples, can grow as wide as the world.” Henri Nouwen (source: Henri Nouwen Society on Facebook)

How we get from one to the other:


Ministry is Missing SomethingChange of PerspectiveMutual Ministry
–  rejecting hierarchy model of ministry
–  settling into our own humanity
–  freed to see others humanity
–  we see people not projects
–  we listen better
–  we are slow to give advice or perspective
–  we listen to the expertise of others
–  we refuse to lord it over people
–  we do not tread on other’s giftings or callings
–  we receive from others
–  we bless others


• fellowship is rich and strong
• we are good guests — we are thankful of however people might keep us
• we follow the lead of others — we don’t always have to be in charge
• we come under the gifts of each other — mutual submission
• we do not bring economic power to our problems
• we follow the lead of those we are with
• we receive from others in humility — we allow others to minister to us
• ministry is in partnership with others
• the safest place to be (covered in the Lord and each other)
• interdependent relationships — we deeply value what others have and offer 
• common and level ground for all — we come as friends and peers
• a deep honouring of the Lord (as we deeply honor his creation)
• mutual submission, a giving and receiving for the benefit of each other
• we model the strength of vulnerability

STORY: There was a church plant begun in a village. The people who were beginning the church did not have everything they needed for Sunday services. But in the area where they were starting the church was the community witch-doctor. Instead of ‘cleansing’ the area and

calling him bad and wrong (using the same tactics as satan uses to divide us) they came vulnerable and asked if they might borrow his drum for Sunday worship. The witch-doctor agreed.

And so the new church body would borrow the drum and use it for worship on sundays and then the drum would go back to the witch-doctor for his rituals the rest of the week, and so on, back and forth the drum was used by all. The church plant made itself vulnerable, in need of help, while valuing what the witch- doctor had to offer. It wasn’t too long before the witch-doctor’s son began coming to church, and it wasn’t too long after that, that the witch-doctor himself began coming to church. Then both the witch-doctor and his son came to know Jesus.

This is the power of coming on the inside, coming vulnerable, receiving from others what they have and what we don’t — in this way we honour others, we by our actions deem what they can offer as valuable, and we make friends (instead of enemies) and open opportunity for others to come to God.



“And further, submit to one another out
of reverence for Christ.” Ephesians 5:21 NLT

In mutual submission we easily come under each others gifting for mutual benefit and blessing. You have a specific gifts of the Lord and I pay attention and receive your expertise. I have specific gifts of the Lord and you pay attention and receive my expertise. We take turns ministering one to another out of the bounty of God in us. 86

We make room for all people and their spiritual gifting. We receive from others as they minister to us. We do this without distinction or preferences, with no partiality, but in humility and honour of the body of Christ in all it’s form and ages and uniqueness.

It is vital that as we move within the Kingdom of God that we receive from each other; regardless of age or race or class or gender, we must come under the anointing of each other for our mutual blessing and uplifting and equipping for the work of the Lord.

Hebrews 10: 24-25 “… stir one another to love and good works … 

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 “Two are better than one …

James 3:17-18 “Willing to yield to others …

Philippians 1:27 “… that you are standing firm in one spirit …

Romans 15:5-6 “Live in such harmony with one another …

NOTE: Take the time to look up these verses.


• power imbalances
• one person dominates, others are passive
• no one is blessed (in the long term)
• unable to receive from each other
• unwilling to come under another’s gifting (most often in those who consider themselves ‘big’) 
• hero worship in the church
• people are put on pedestals and set to fail
• we look for permission from the people around us
• we don’t bring the full gifting we have

The biggest marker of a lack of mutual submission is when usual respect or receiving from each other is missing. Unable to walk in humility that receives, everyone misses out.

How we get from one to the other:


Chronic ConfoundingAwakenRich Fellowship & Ministry
–  bearing less fruit all the time
–  dissatisfied with the dominant
submissive structure
–  little collaboration
–  recognizing the gifting in others
–  realizing we do not have all the gifts
–  seeing that others have something we do not have
–  mutual upbuilding
–  we need each other
–  others have what we need
–  we are better together
–  we bring our full self
–  we let others teach us


• we live humility
• we honor each other
• we do not ‘touch’ (own or dominate or give permissions) the glory of God in each other’s gifting 
• we come under each others anointing for mutual blessing
• we respect God in and through each other
• we receive from each other irregardless of age, class, race, or gender

STORY: It was our first week in Uganda.We were at a school run by Evangelist Patrick. One afternoon we gathered the students under the mango tree for we were going to teach them about prayer.

I began my part of the teaching by asking the students the kinds of things that they wanted to bring to the Lord in prayer. A number of students put up their hands and I gave each an opportunity to share their prayer requests. One student wanted wisdom and knowledge and another wanted healing for her grandma. And then, one young boy, perhaps eight years old, replied that he wanted to pray for the visitors.

Now, each of the trips that I’ve taken so far begin, in the first week or so, with someone within the country (sometimes a few different people) bringing an anointing and the favor of God upon me for the duration of my ministry time within that country. This trip began the same way.

I had already been blessed by the prophetic words and pastoral heart of the wife of the fellow who drove me from the airport and into Kampala. Now, here in Kasambya was this young boy speaking of praying for the visitors; I immediately recognized the Holy Spirit in his request and called him to the front.

I got on my knees and as he stood beside me I suggested that he put his hand on my shoulder. But with barely a moments hesitation he put his hand on my head and prayed the most amazing prayer of blessing and strength of the Lord that I have ever heard. He was strong and confident and knew what he was doing.

This moment will go down as one of the most amazing moments of my life. I’ve learned to watch for the Holy Spirit through each and every person; we just never know through whom we will be equipped for God’s work.



“The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and
contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.” Psalm 51:17 ESV

To make lasting impact we must be operating out of the spirit of our Lord and not our own ego. Our ego needs protection, comfort, safety, reassurance and therefore cannot know or give away the extravagant heart and love of our Lord — we tend to hoard it all for ourselves. Ego simply takes centre stage and all the focus tends to be on self.

Jesus calls us to a different way whereby self and ego is settled in Christ, and we can now be vessels that contain and live out God to others.

Dying to self is surrender to God. Surrender is about bringing all the things we are good at, our passions, our dreams, our skills, and declaring God as Lord over these things — all of who we are. Dying to self is the dying of our insecurities, our fears, our doubts, our excuses, and living in the Lord, bold in the things he would call us to. We get over ourselves and we live unto the Lord.

Mark 10:45 “… came not to be served but to serve …

Luke 9:32 “… let him deny himself …

Mark 8:34-35 “You must turn from your selfish ways …

John 12:24-25 “Those who love their life will lose it …

Luke 14:33 “… any one of you who does not renounce all that he has …

NOTE: Take the time to look up these verses.


• overly careful – we must be perfect
• calculating in decision making – fear of failure
• afraid of what people will think
• we act on our own understanding (not God’s)
• we have little self awareness and blame others for our failings
• we refuse to take leadership – our weaknesses may be exposed 
• cloaked in false humility – loud bragging of how great we are
• conservatism becomes our religion
• we pride ourselves on safe religion
• we are consumed with matters of self

The biggest marker of those who have not yet died to self is a preoccupation with being careful. Self-protection is strong and everything must be done exactly so. Danger is perceived at every turn and others are not to be trusted. We hunker in instead of going out.

How we get from one to the other:


Broken under the Weight of Grinding DifficultySecrets of the Heart Opened to the LordAuthentic Self
– loss and grief
– true brokenness (not victimization, not woundedness)
– foundations of self are torn apart
–  pride, ego, priorities, given over to God,
–  true humility comes
–  repentance
–  we have journeyed through the pain to healing
–  nothing to prove
–  range of motion, emotionally and relationally safe
–  sees other’s needs
–  we stop trying to keep life looking good or right


  • we become obedient to the Holy Spirit
  • we are living sacrifices
  • we invest our life in something bigger thanourselves
  • we serve what God is calling us to
  • we encourage others, we want their best 
  • there is room to breathe
  • our emotional life is broader
  • we have space to make mistakes
  • we enjoy ourselves and others

STORY: In the fall of 2014 I was in a small village in Uganda. I had preached the morning message. The pastor shared about his mom who had been in bed for three years and about her frustration and struggle with that. We were having lunch at a neighbours

home and after lunch we were going to have a crusade in the village center, and before this we were going to visit the pastor’s mom and pray for her.

In the days prior to this day I had been a bit sick and so I was very tired. I knew that I just needed to rest that afternoon and so I said to those I was with that I was not going to attend the crusade, they could all speak and teach and pray for people just as well as I — I politely declined to go to the crusade.

But I still went to visit and pray for the pastor’s mom who had been in bed a very long time. We got to her home and went into the room where she was staying. I got down on the floor next to her and the mattress that she was on and as I did this the Holy Spirit said to me, “Cyndy, I want you to stay with her and lay beside her for a time, encouraging her with your presence.” I knew exactly what the Lord wanted me to do, as I used to do this with a very sick friend at home. So, I told the others that I was going to stay with her while the others went to the crusade. And once they had left I lay down beside her. We both began to giggle.

At first we both fell asleep for a time. Then we woke up and she began to speak to me in Lugandan. Now, I did not know what she was telling me, and I knew she did not know English. So, I answered her back in tongues, giving the Lord opportunity to interpret it for her. And we carried on giggling, talking to each other, laying beside each other, for the entire afternoon. And I was reminded that my body is not my own, that ministry is not about me, and that I must be ready to obey the Lord with what HE wants to do and how HE wants to bless others. We are simply conduits for his love.

86 Mutual submissions are NOT ‘do things my way or I reject you’. Mutual submission are NOT obey as child or we will call you bad and wrong.

=>  Let’s continue our learning by looking at Growth in Leadership

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